Friday, October 22, 2010

FRIENDSHIP OR LOVE....???





HAVE YOU EVER BEEN THROUGH A PHASE WHERE U WERE ACTUALLY CONFUSED ABOUT THE FEELINGS YOU HAVE FOR A CERTAIN PERSON...???
its kinda funny to think about it that way because i feel i know him since ages...he is technically my best friend,but the problem started when i started changing my view of looking towards him. maybe he changed too...but he never let me know. we shared everything,ups and downs,our dabba,everything...there was nothing in my life that he didn't know about and the same goes about me. we were addicted to each others company. we were always together,and when we weren't...our messages kept going to and fro.we were so much a part of each other that many thought we were in love.don't know when i gave that thought a thought.... but here's the truth.... i fell in love with my best friend. i don't know weather thats right or not but my feelings changed gradually and i never knew about it until one day when we had a fight.
i still remember that day. he never gave me a proper reason.. only said"this relation is not worth the pain"...and that was the last i heard from him. hasn't called me or messaged me since a month now. but i already feel its been decades since i have heard his voice,his breath,my name sounded so beautiful when he took it. my day started with him and ended with him... and now life seems so miserable and dull when he is not around. i used to love the way he used to look at me..play with my hair...hold my arm while crossing the road(like a kid)...the way he used to fight off guys for me...and talk abt his latest crush...the way he used to get pissed on me when i was late for a movie(come on...its just a movie) and sometimes i used to do it on purpose..just to get his attention.his anger..his look... OH that look killed me every single time.
but now... it feels he doesn't care as much as he used to...how could he live for a month when i was dying to see him,hear him,feel him every single moment of every single day...??
did he find another bestfriend??
why?? doesn't he miss being with me? fighting,teasing? everything.
i know i do....!!! it just hurts to not know what he feels about me.
was i wrong about him all this while? did he never feel that way about me?? was i wrong to expect so much... to expect that he'll be around whenever i needed him...?? is there no way that i could tell him how much i miss him...?? how much i love him...maybe even i don't know what i really feel about my best friend. but i really wish he was here.... bcz he would know what i felt.

Monday, August 30, 2010

ADDICTED TO A DRUG







SOMETIMES ITS LIKE SOMETHING SOMEONE SAID JUST EXPLAINS HOW U FEEL ABOUT A PARTICULAR THING,MAYBE EVEN BETTER.




SOMETIMES SOMETHING U WANNA SAY IS SO HARD TO EXPRESS THAT U JUST CANT PUT TOGETHER THE WORDS AND FORM A SENTENCE.




SOMETHING WHICH COMES DIRECTLY FROM THE DEPTHS OF ONES HEART.




DONT U GET SO FRUSTERATED WHEN U KNOW HOW U FEEL ABOUT SOMETHING OR RATHER SOMEONE,AND U JUST WANNA GO ON THE ROOF TOPS AND SHOUT THOSE FEELINGS OUT TO THE WORLD BUT U JUST CANT FIND UR VOICE.EVEYTIME THAT SOMEONE COMES IN FRONT OF U U FEEL AS IF U JUST STOPPED BREATHING,THAT UR HEART JUST JUMPED A BEAT AND MAYBE AS IF UL BE GETTING AN HEART ATTACK ANY MOMENT,WHEN U FEEL STUPID BECAUSE THE ONLY THING U R ABLE TO DO IS SMILE AND U JUST CANT STOP SMILING.




BEEN THERE? DONE THAT? MAYBE YES MAYBE NOT.




I FEEL THIS WHENEVR I HEAR THAT SONG. FEELS AS IF THAT COMPOSER KNEW EXACTLY WHAT I FELT. THOSE EMOTINS THAT FLOW MAKE ME CONSCIOUS OF MY BEING,FEEL LIKE HEARING OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN. AS IF THE BATTERIES SHOULD GO DOWN,THE VOLUME FULL,THE ONLY THING I HEAR R THOSE LYRICS AND NOTHING ELSE NOT EVEN THE SOUND OF MY HEART BEATING OR MY BREATH SO UNEVEN GOING UP AND DOWN AS IF THE SONG CONTROLS MY BEING ALIVE. AS IF THIS SONG WERE THE MEANING TO MY EXISTENCE.....!!!




DONT U FEEL LIKE SAYING THAT "DUDE I CANT EXPLAIN WWHAT I FEEL FOR U BUT U BETTER GO HEAR THIS SONG...MAYBE ITLL HELP."




HEHEHEH MAYBE THATS STUPID BUT THEN NOT EVERYTHING WAS MEANT TO BE PERFECT.



Saturday, August 7, 2010

MORE THE FAT...MORE THE BEAUTY...!!!

its august...and she is overweight...obese would be a better word....she stood on that stupid weight machine yet again...just like every morning...! she hoped it would show a bit less...but nope...it was still there stuck at the point she left yesterday...!! she ran off to the gym halfheartedly that it would be of no use...!! she followed her super consious diet...hardly hate outside....did regular exercise...but wht do u know...the weight machine just wouldnt budge...!!
she was beautiful...even prettier than the other girls in her class....just because of her extra weight she would be the center of many a jokes...she had gotten used to not showing her feelings in public but deep inside...it hurt her that no matter wht she did....it was of no use...she conforted herself by saying"god made u this way so that u could be special in some other way....does beauty really matter that much? u are beautiful..and u know it...so let the rest just fuck off...!!" she felt better whenever she told herself that she was beautiful but the one thing she wanted the most was someone else telling her that she was beautiful...someone who would notice her features below all the layers of fat.
every time she sat for dinner after a hard day..her mother would keep on saying.."dont eat much dont eat much....u r getting fatter and fatter..." it hurt her every time she took a bite...!! she asked herself.."is it so necessary to be thin and pretty?" she knew the exact reason why her mother pushed her to weight....so that they wont have any problem finding her a suitable match...!!
it irritated her so much...though she was putting all her efforts....but then....why was it so necessary to be thin? dont fat people have hearts? why r they considered less beautiful? are they ugly by heart? are they mean? no...no...no....no...!! they r mere people...with the same feelings...and the same desires...!!
she had decided to loose weight as soon as possible and she was doing her bit in whatever way she could do...!! but then why??? for a match??? nope.... just to prove that even fat people are beautiful...!!
so i hereby invite all the beautiful people...weather fat or thin....to join hands and show to the world that beauty lies within ourselves and not on our looks...!!

BEAUTY IS A FACTOR LINKED WITH THE HEART AND NOT THE FACE...!! A BEAUTIFUL PERSON IS THE OUTCOME OF A MUCH BEAUTIFUL HEART...!!!

Friday, August 6, 2010

RAIN-II

drip drip drip.....the drops falling through the holes in the worn out ceiling caught her attention...she decided to fix it.maybe next week when the rain slows down she will bring someone to repair it.she again tried concentrating on what she was doing....she was trying to write an article about the recent pandemic of swine flu....drip drip drip...the noise was disturbing her...she couldnt concentrate...finally she got up...went to the kitchen...and decided to make herself a strong cup of tea...! as the water began to warm up her attention was caught by a pair of siblings playing by the stream newly created by the rain...they were making a boat,she guessed.....she used to do that when she was a kid.splash splash...the kids played in the rain...so nice it would have been if we could have gone back to those days....it would have been so much easier...no worries....no deadlines....no responsiblities....only innocent hearts playing till they get dirty in the mud.....i wish i could go out and play in the rain without having to think wht the people would think...!
our life is always governed not by our mind but somewht by the people we live around....even to think abt doing something different makes us think abt their reaction...were they so important? y cant we live our lives according to our wish? y cant we do whatever we want to do..whever we want to do...? y do we always have to think abt the consiquences?everytime we step out of the door, we see to it that we r perfect in every way possible.y cant we just let go of everything we think abt and just do what comes to our heart...just for one day? i wsih i could create such a world where i was allowed to get up when i wanted to and not according to the time of my office...i wish i could wear whatever i felt like and was not restricted by the dos and donts of society.....i wish everyone just lived their life for one day and not poke their noses into each others lives...!!!
childhood never comes again...i remember my dad saying...so dont waste ur time and enjoy as much as possible...he was so right..i wish i could go back to those days where i could go home with bruised knees....and muddy clothes....i wish i could pick flowers from my neighbors garden and give them as a token of love to my mom...i wish i could still fight with mom for that ice gola....i wish i could go out in the rain...get all wet...and come home with muddy shoes.....i wish i could do all those things without ever having to twice.....!!!
oh rain...is there any way i could get all those days back????

Friday, July 30, 2010


It was 5 in the evening ,i had just woken up from my afternoon nap when i realised that the weather had changed...the wind was blowing in from the west....strong currents played through my hair as i stood in my balcony watching the clouds run across the sky...!!!!whooosh whooosshhh... the cool wind blows through my hair making me realise the fall in temperature...i go inside to make my self a warm cup of coffee....!!!


coffee coffee coffee....sip sip sip.....haaaa... what a relief...i think as the warmt of the caffine transfers to my blood and slowly to each and every cell on my body...!! the weather had agian changed from the last time...it was getting darker...i presumed that it might rain....i took my cuppa with me to terrace as i always did...sat there on my favorite chair and started reading the book i had left before i went for my nap...it was a love story....the writer was talking about some love letter that had been delivered in his mail...anonymus...it made me think...how wud i feel if something like that were to happen with me... i would be happy and scared..at the same time.....and suddenly i saw a drop of water on the page i was reading.......the first drop of rain......i suddenly felt happy...and forgot about everything...!! it made me a child again...i wanted to get wet...play in the mud...go on a long drive....i wanted to scream.....to laugh .....to cry...all at once...! it is very hard to control so many emotions at the same time...so i let myself loose...forgot about everything.....got up....spread my arms like a free bird.....drops coming on my face...on my body...on my hair...on my skin....on the dirt...on the soil....drops everywhere.....every drop carrying so many emotions along iwth them....every drop created to quench someones thirst....!1 i opened my mouth to the thought as the drops entered my mouth....cold...drops....felt so good...the taste of rain cannot be compared to anything else in this world..i thought...!!! somehow...i had a very strong liking toward the rain....as if i had some kindda bond with the season...!!!


the fragnace the drops created whn the hit the thirsty soil was better than any perfume i had ever known.....!! wanted to capture this moment so i could go back to this whenevr i wanted to... but wasnt possible...!!


rain......so many stories linked to this season...yet feels so unique whenever it pours...!!


rain......so many drops singing their way toward the earth....!!!


rain.......keep pouring oh my rain god...keep us blessed...!!


i love u rain...!!!!

Monday, April 12, 2010

Waiting for those purrfffeeccctttt moments...!!!

Sometimes life seems so disturbed,nothing seems to fall into place,you dont find your other pair of sock just when you are late for an important meeting.....the car doesnt start on time.....and u have to face every single signal on the way to ur workplace....keep aside the increasing traffic and continuosly honking cars....the vendors....and all the chaos around you....!!! Sometimes nothing seems to go according to your ways....gosshhh you feel like killing yourself.





But then.......suddenly you realise that life is not all that bad...that someone somewhere is waiting for you just to see you smile....and no matter how bad your day is...no matter how fucked up your life is...the moment that someone comes in front of you....you unvoluntarily smile......and thats the best part of the day......you can wait for that particular moment to happen all day long....for those few moments of bliss...when you r with tht special person and no one else in this world matters more......everything else seems purrrrffffecccctttt......!!!! Its for these very very perfect moments that each and everyone of us lives day in and day out....after all...everyone wants someone who loves them no matter whatt...!! :)