Friday, October 22, 2010
HAVE YOU EVER BEEN THROUGH A PHASE WHERE U WERE ACTUALLY CONFUSED ABOUT THE FEELINGS YOU HAVE FOR A CERTAIN PERSON...???
its kinda funny to think about it that way because i feel i know him since ages...he is technically my best friend,but the problem started when i started changing my view of looking towards him. maybe he changed too...but he never let me know. we shared everything,ups and downs,our dabba,everything...there was nothing in my life that he didn't know about and the same goes about me. we were addicted to each others company. we were always together,and when we weren't...our messages kept going to and fro.we were so much a part of each other that many thought we were in love.don't know when i gave that thought a thought.... but here's the truth.... i fell in love with my best friend. i don't know weather thats right or not but my feelings changed gradually and i never knew about it until one day when we had a fight.
i still remember that day. he never gave me a proper reason.. only said"this relation is not worth the pain"...and that was the last i heard from him. hasn't called me or messaged me since a month now. but i already feel its been decades since i have heard his voice,his breath,my name sounded so beautiful when he took it. my day started with him and ended with him... and now life seems so miserable and dull when he is not around. i used to love the way he used to look at me..play with my hair...hold my arm while crossing the road(like a kid)...the way he used to fight off guys for me...and talk abt his latest crush...the way he used to get pissed on me when i was late for a movie(come on...its just a movie) and sometimes i used to do it on purpose..just to get his attention.his anger..his look... OH that look killed me every single time.
but now... it feels he doesn't care as much as he used to...how could he live for a month when i was dying to see him,hear him,feel him every single moment of every single day...??
did he find another bestfriend??
why?? doesn't he miss being with me? fighting,teasing? everything.
i know i do....!!! it just hurts to not know what he feels about me.
was i wrong about him all this while? did he never feel that way about me?? was i wrong to expect so much... to expect that he'll be around whenever i needed him...?? is there no way that i could tell him how much i miss him...?? how much i love him...maybe even i don't know what i really feel about my best friend. but i really wish he was here.... bcz he would know what i felt.